the wood worker’s wife

There once was a man who loved to know all there was about wood working.  He adored and admired the men who could mold a piece of a tree into useful things.  He became infatuated with it.  He read books, watched videos, joined groups.  He bought all of the tools…..the planers, the saws, the drills, the accessories to each.  He signed up for email blasts that contained free plans and blueprints.  He worked his day job with vigor and focus but all the while talking about his new love and passion.  He thanked God for the art form.  He bragged to all of his clients and co-workers about how much furniture, signs, book shelves and toys he was going to make.  “Not this year, but next year…just as soon as I get my space set up.”.  He was still waiting on a shed build-out that could double as storage but also as a workshop.  He planned it all to a “T”.

Now his wife was somewhat supportive in the beginning, but when she realized that he may like talking about woodworking more than actually working with wood, she began to question him.  He didn’t like this.  He didn’t appreciate the lack of support.  However, in her mind there was only talk, so how could that be supported?  He would get her to relent with a promise of a big farmers table or a new set of rockers for the front porch.  And that would calm things down for a while.  Then he would spend more time and money; resources better used for the family that loved him so.  

He knew every detail of every tool imaginable.  He could tell you exactly what to use and why.  He would even let you borrow the tool.  In fact, his co-worker began woodworking because of how great this man made it sound.  He borrowed many tools.  He made a few shelves and even attempted a kitchen table.  All the while the man obsessed, was still planning and planning.

He would talk and talk about this art because it made him feel good.  He knew so much about this thing… and it was his thing.  He didn’t  need anyone to help him, he could just go and go all by himself.  He would rehearse the accolades others would give him upon a project’s completion.  He rehearsed how he would accept his award at different wood working competitions. He rehearsed how he would eventually teach his sons the art form. 

His wife was sick of it.  Fed up with the talk, the obsession, the lack of production, his wife asked him to build a chair or just admit that he really isn’t a wood worker; just admit that he enjoys the thought of the craft more than doing the craft.

When put to the test….when called to the frontline by his better half….what do you think the man did?  Did he build the chair?  No. He spazzed out on his wife.  He told her that she doesn’t know the first thing about wood-working and she should go pound sand.  She couldn’t possibly understand the ins and outs of taking raw wood and turning it into something beautiful.  He scoffed at her and spoke down to her.  

He did this because he was an imposter…a fraud…he knew it but didn’t think anyone else did.  He did this because he had gone way outside of who he is.  He was not being true to himself.  He was not living the way he knew was right. He hadn’t ever got his terms straight…..the terms of who he is as a man.  Even more blasphemous, he blamed his wife for pushing him into this craft.  He claimed he did all of this it because he “knew she would like it”.  As of recently, she hadn’t liked much of what he did.  What she would have definitely loved was ANY production on his end.  It just never materialized.  So she was beginning to entertain that he may still be a child searching for approval.  She became un-attracted.  He did, in fact, feel like a child searching for approval.  He became depressed and detached.  Neither one of them knew how to talk about it.  Neither one knew how to make it back from this absolutely grounding circumstance.

He should have just made the chair.

I’ve found that there’s knowledge, and then there’s experience.  Knowledge, when put into action, creates an experience.  Experiences create patterns.  We learn from patterns and that gives us wisdom.  My ego fills the space between my knowledge and wisdom.  The larger the space, the bigger my ego becomes.  Ego kills relationships.

If the woodworker could have put action to his knowledge, he could have enriched his life and made his wife proud, but oh well.